1.05.2010

finally a finale

Goodbye 2009 and happy happy 2010 to you!
Last year was a doozie...let's move on and start with an invocation, may
we be drenched in all the past, present and future delight that we can handle, umm..yah...let's find more delight than we can handle, that sounds like more fun. I think I'll try to keep it simple and start with breath. Yes, let's all plan to breathe this year, shall we?

















I found myself reluctant to vocalize any formal resolutions this year. It kind of implies that I haven't been committed to giving as much as I can while dancing in the oneness of it all, until this year... and that would be sad.

The universe gave me an awesome gift for the New Year; the utter relief of having found what seems to be a remedy for the agonizing nerve damage in my feet (see an earlier post for the details)...to say that I'm way beyond elated is a huge understatement. I had truly forgotten what it meant to not find myself standing...or sitting as the case had been, at the edge of what the human body can endure EVERYDAY!

The joke gets funnier; I was so excited that I could dance again that I tweaked my knee first thing. But being the glutton for punishment that I am, it actually felt good. Its a familiar kind of pain, the sort that dancers get used to, it makes me feel alive. Don't worry, as I type this my knee is almost back to happy.

And the utter irony of this all being created in my brain was the real kicker. If I had ever doubted that we create our own reality I am now an evangelical believer! Praise the Lord and pass the gratitude.















I hear we can change the past just by seeing it differently, so here goes me finding a reason for the last 365 days of pain, lessons learned:

-Mental-physical-spiritual health are not something to take for granted. Without them it is VERY difficult to follow your bliss.

-Don't put it past your brain to be able to create more pain for you than you can even imagine.

-Let life, love and light move through you in order to become the puja of what is...the ever-reverberating aum that dances our all encompassing uni-verse.

11.25.2009

midnight dream













Forgive this bit of
indulgence, I found this story I started writing several years ago. At the time I was hoping to write it as a collaborative piece but was too shy or perhaps I was being sensible to not put it forward for all to partake in but as with so many things, time has made this feel like a very
distant inspiration and I would be more than thrilled to have anyone write further chapters, just send them my way and I'll post them.












Midnight Dream

Our story begins long ago in a place that lives only in distant memory now. Our principle character will be a temple dancer, it matters not which temple, we use her only to hint at the wanderings of the human heart and the search for ultimate truth. She'll be the canvas onto which we'll paint our story. The curve of her back will be the landscape that weaves us together, the arch of her foot will be the palate onto which we poor the colors that we'll speak with, nothing more, nothing less.

The events leading up to this moment are like many others and can be implied by their outcome. We'll part the curtains onto an empty stage, a girl, age 16, slowly steps in from the right, a group of town’s folk can be heard talking off stage.











As was the custom in the land, the life path of a female was chosen by committee, the rationale being that too many mistakes had been made in the past. After a heated discussion between the powers that be, it was declared that the girl would be handed over to the village temple for training in dance, music, poetry, cooking and art. She would be called upon to enrich the lives of those that lived in the town. The elders later amended their declaration with a special request that she also learn the language of the ancients, a long forgotten tongue used for prayer, incantation and obscure logic, the reason of the day being that an individual must study the past if they are to embrace the future.

















The temple authorities had been told by a traveling camel trader (a demi-god in disguise) that a slightly deviant muse had taken a liking to the girl. This comfortably explained her passion for talking directly to the Gods, a practice shunned in current times. The hint of a shared parley between a mortal and the heavens made the town's people nervous. This sparked an irreverent mood, when it came to issues of social norms, which gripped the girl from a young age, complicating matters further. Being adept at domestic chores seemed to welcome the obvious choices but there were other elements to consider with this one.

A new name was chosen for the girl, releasing any hold that the past had on her. ‘Dasi’, meaning servant and ‘la’, the affectionate feminine suffix was added almost as an afterthought. This was her new and only title and with it she left her old life behind.

Her mother had little to say on the matter and seldom showed emotion of any sort, her father, well...it's difficult to know who her father was. Her mother had been vague on the details and when pressed further, Dasila discovered that it was a subject best left untouched. As a child, many men drifted through Dasila's life but none welcomed the title of father, a burden that Dasila decided was hers alone to carry. Finding no lack of masculine guidance, she was painfully aware that each moment can only lead to the present and not having a father didn't seem to change that.












Dasila spent the next 20 years training in the skills that she would need at her command for a life of ceremonial offering. During this time she also learned the importance of being selfless, a lesson that came quickly. A few months after her acceptance into the temple she became pregnant due to an uncharacteristically frivolous encounter with a temple patron. Her bonds were now firmly tied, she could no longer act upon a whim, from this point forward someone else would be depending on her to calculate each step. In later years she would look back and see clearly that the universe had deftly orchestrated this turn of events. The pieces were now arranged, the game could now begin. She began taking notes and assessing options. Another lesson now learned; pay attention to EVERYTHING.











Motherhood afforded Dasila time to gather her thoughts and cement her bonds with eternity. The love that Dasila had for her daughter was strong. She and Lila Anjali (meaning Dance of Offering, the only name Dasila felt she really understood) had a bond that was unshakable. Many important lessons came from the exchange that they shared and Lila Anjali soon grew to serve and bring beauty to the world in her own unexpected ways... a story for another night.

The veil of that 'Foreordained Night' with the temple patron did not cover Dasila's eyes for long and she soon realized that the path she trod upon was paved with hard lessons.

The temple gurus set many tasks before Dasila; she was their empty vessel waiting to be filled. They transfused her with insights that she tucked away for later use. These became secret gems that Dasila brought out for viewing only to those that possessed the right words to unlock her. Many tried to peak through the walls where the treasure was kept but only those that persevered beyond all reason caught her attention, occasionally they succeeded.











Determined to map a path to the worlds her teachers spoke of, days and nights floated past, twists and turns of fate came and went. On one violently windy summer night Dasila's muse, Azeem, as he made his name known to her in a past encounter, came to her while she slept. Wrapped in a cloak of darkness his ebony form slid into her bed. He lingered only a moment and then whispered into the night a demand for her to 'deepen her dance'. She awoke as his words tangled themselves in her dreams, only to catch a glimpse of him slipping out the door.

Dasila was aware that 'the dance' Azeem was referring to was an arcane set of embodied poems that she had occasion to learn from an ailing temple priestesses whom she regularly visited in a neighboring village. She was chosen for the task due to certain signs in the sky. The court astrologers had mumbled some unintelligible sounds and then shouted heavenward, "Each moment not offered to the divine is a lie!” The command was then set forth that any person showing certain characteristics was obligated to the world to learn the poems. Dasila possessed the signs. The urgency to learn the dances before they were 'lost to the sands of time' was now mentioned often by the town elders as tears welled in their eyes. Her training sessions lasted hours, always ending with a sense that if the body is to become the garden for the soul then nothing can be withheld.











In her other duties the daily instruction from the temple gurus was always the same, she was being pressed to reach further into the teachings. She needed to become familiar with a place that the people had entirely forgotten and only then would truth dance with her. The assignments left Dasila knowing that something was preventing her from seeing past the apathy and mindless banter that had swallowed the town. She continued to dance and audiences continued to raise their glasses in praise but something was always missing.

The temple gurus now sensed Dasila's dilemma better than she herself did. The journey she had embarked upon would not succeed without adding the element of unalloyed delight. Though she had epiphanies of joy, the oppressive obligations and austerities set forth by the temple had taken a toll on her. The visits from her patron had become few and far between creating an emptiness that became impossible to fill. Shortly after the 'Foreordained Night', he had lost all motive to remain in the world, it was as if his life had finished before his body was done with it. He donned the clothes of a wandering ascetic and resisted all desire that might hinder his observances. Dasila reached into every corner of her being to bring him back, knowing what was at stake if she could not but nothing swayed his resolve. She finally had to give up trying and saw this as yet another facet of the ‘great game’. He drifted further from town, his meditations becoming longer and their encounters becoming fewer.

Others saw this as an opportunity to draw closer to the one who had hinted at a place beyond their daily existence. They secretly left gifts for her, all symbolic of profound truths but there was no mystery in their motives, none stirred her curiosity. She understood that her gift for them was only to color their minds with possibilities. It was not beneficial for them to obtain her affection, their unmet longings were a powerful force that made things happen. It was the hunt that motivated them and a good hunt it was but they had nothing to offer a fellow traveler on a longer journey. If Dasila were to become the keeper of the dances she would need access to a map that none of them carried.

On a staggeringly uneventful afternoon, like so many others that came before, Dasila sat on a sun-baked street waiting for her donkey to wake up. Her muse, noticing that her time was being needlessly wasted, sat down beside her. In thick velvety words he coaxed her curiosity, describing to her a brilliant fire that burns with shear satisfaction, a blaze that laughs at unmitigated ecstasy and demands more, a radiant illumination that permeates all reason and summons life onward. If she were to find the places that the dances hinted of, she would need to kindle such a fire, there were no options here. He demanded decisive action, vociferated a terrifying laugh and disappeared into the shadows.











Hours later Dasila had become gripped with hopelessness, she had made no progress in following Azeem’s guidance, and no plan of action had presented itself. Staring at the ground, wrestling with her oppressive desperation she felt someone approaching. She raised her head to see a blurred mirage congeal into a tattered camel trader that was walking quickly towards her. Gazing out from under his disheveled hair were eyes, as blue as the deepest ocean…. shockingly blue. They submerged her. Completely engulfed in a vast glow of truth she was filled with pure joy and lost from all time and space. A new understanding devoured her that if she didn’t find this place again she would die. He had parted the curtains on the mystery and showed her what ‘It’ was and now she had to find ‘It’ and share ‘It’ with others.

The camel trader whispered, “Can you see what I see?” then smiled a deviant grin and left her deliriously enraptured on the street. With nobody seeming to take notice of her state, she managed to find her donkey who carried her back to the room the temple patron had provided her. The following year was a strange blur of systematic pleasantries and all-consuming desire. The villagers never suspected that she was watching the ebb and flow of their lives, their breathing, every minute bodily movement and the placement of each word. She was assessing every moment for the spark that would conjure flames.

Then one day an interesting thing occured...(care to add to the next chapter of this story?)

9.05.2009

heavy heart

Dear Friends, with a heavy heart I send you this note, to inform you that our dear Donna passed away from cancer this morning, Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009 @ 10:10am in her home in Boulder, Colorado.















Her 2 lov
ely sons Jason and Simon were with her as well as a nurse. Many of her friends had a chance share their final goodbyes with her before she passed, as well as several family members who drove many hours to visit with her. We probably all know Donna as a grace-filled dancing-fighter and that's exactly what she embodied right up to her last breath. As was her request; we will be performing the Tibetan Chöd practice with Donna for the next few days, after that time she will be cremated and some of her ashes will be scattered into Boulder Creek and a small gathering of family, friends, dances, songs and prayers will be shared. The time and date has not yet been finalized but details will be sent soon.

We end this email with a quote from
The Velveteen Rabbit
one of Donna's favorite books
The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

8.27.2009

sublime macabre

Whoa Nelly...I am in a completely altered state
after
a dance student suggested that I take a
cyber stroll
through Kris Kuksi's art











And then later that night we went to a didgeridoo concert
at the local oxygen bar...to top it off,
as if it weren't already an ethereal day.

















Our time on this earth is sacred and we should celebrate every moment.- Paulo Coelho

7.28.2009

poised to shoot

An innocent enough grin...

















Ha Ha! I've got you now Little Bunny Foo Foo!


















I takes
aim for the jugular!


















Just kidding, everyone lived happily ever after...


The bow is the sacred OM, and the arrow is our soul.
Brahman is the mark of the arrow, the aim of the soul.
Even as an arrow becomes one with its mark,
let the watchful soul be one in him.

— Mundaka Upanishad

7.26.2009

chöd

Namo.
I pay homage to the guru, to the dakini.

On the moon disk of her heart
Is the letter AH...AH...

















(Click on the painting to see Machig
Labdrön's fearless grace!)

"There are many who wish to gain enlightenment
in a man's form, and there are but a few who wish
to work for the welfare of sentient beings in a female
form. Therefore may I, in a female body, work for
the welfare of beings right until Samsara is emptied.


To annihilate the four demons
Is the teaching of the great vehicle.
To neither reject nor pursue Samsara or Nirvana
Is the meaning of the Prajnaparamita.
Making use of unfavorable conditions
Was taught by the vernerable Machig.
To consider adversiy as a friend
Is the instruction of Chöd.
"

- Machig Labdron and the Foundations of
Chöd

Once again, the drum beats my heart and the bell
calls me to splash in the rivers of infinity.

















One of my dear dance students has been battling a nasty
cancer demon for several years. As I try my best to help her through the stormy waves of samsara, I feel myself gripped in a dead-lock stare with my own mortality.

By shear grace, the universe tossed us a rope, Chöd, the Tantric
Buddhist practice of offering everything you've got, which, when
one is passing through life's more dire of situations, one can find
that the only thing left to offer is the body
... or as a recently seen
bumper sticker proclaimed, "Don't wait till you die to follow the light".

Chöd
is a supplication to the great dakini, Machig Labdrön.
It is charnal ground practice so steeped in beauty and magic
that it drops me to my knees. We practice many hours each
week and continue to to be delighted by the wisdom of this
sacred puja.

I must mention how much gratitude I have for Alta Brown for sharing

her lifetime of practice with us and I bow with great respect to her
Guru,
Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche for so generously keeping
these teaching alive for all to follow in his footsteps.

For more information/inspiration, visit Alta's lovely website:
Everyday Chöd

7.22.2009

around the world

Just for kicks, here is a quick reference point of what it
means to have RSD:














Who would'a thunk that such nastiness was/is possible
for a human body to endure? And yet, life goes on,
and something like this :
Around the World
makes me so happy!
Dang! Them Boyz can DANCE!

"I see first lots of things which dance...
then everything becomes gradually connected.
- Jim Morrison

7.19.2009

aum cakes

We recently baked an aum cheesecake with a batch of
freshly plucked black raspberries from a plant me mum
started a couple years ago.

















Cheesecake is unbelievably easy to make.
We used crushed boudoir biscuits (aka: ladies fingers)
for the crust but any mild cookie would do or even
ground pecans and melted butter.










Crust:

2 1/4 cup cookies crumbs or crushed pecans
1/2 cup butter, melted

Filling:

1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened
1 Tbsp. lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup milk
dash of salt
1 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs

Bake @ 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 25:ish minutes

You CAN have your AUM and eat it too!